One of Those Days

I have a lot on my mind tonight, so I guess I'll take it out on my blog. Lucky you :) I don't want this blog to be the glossy version of my life, only filling you in on the good, so you get the bad, lots of ugly, and a little fluff as well.

Parenting = the.hardest.job.ever.

There is nothing else that reminds me of my inadequacies or humbles me on a more regular basis. And as hard as it is for me to realize it, I'm thankful. Today we had an incident that had me thinking the rest of the day. It made my heart hurt...and gave me a glimpse into the future at just how often my heart is going to ache for my children.

Two things I'm guilty of:

1. Wanting to please people

2. Wanting people to think I have it all together

Sick and sick.

1. I'll go to great lengths to avoid conflict most of the time...I just want to keep peace and have people be happy with me. If I feel like someone is upset with me, it can really do a number on me (inside at least).

2. Why is perfection the goal of so many of us, myself included? When was the last time you could relate to a person who appeared as if they had it all together? Or did it just make you want to puke? Because you know it's not real. There is nothing more irritating to me, and yet I still seem to unintentionally strive for it. Hmmmm. And why in the world do I expect perfection out of my kids? Especially one in particular who seems to have a very strong will?

I'm just laying it out there tonight, and I might be all over the place...but it all leads to one thing, I promise :) There is a common thread. I need Jesus. He's trying to teach me that. And sometimes it has to hurt in order for it to get through to me. I (we) cannot do this on our own. Whether we're talking about parenting or just life. He's revealing some strongholds of mine...ironic since we are discussing that in my little Bible study.

Tonight after supper I had some Christmas music playing that I just downloaded for the girls. It was the Go Fish Christmas with a Capital C album...and "My Jesus I Love Thee" came on. Instant tears in my eyes as I listened to the words. I was overcome with thankfulness. For Jesus, and for his love for me. And for some reason, the first vision that came to mind was my Grandma playing the song on the organ at the mission, singing along. I have no idea if she ever even did...but I could just picture it plain as day. I so want a faith like hers.

So, I'm ok with my weakness...In fact I can boast in it, because when I am weak He is strong.

This concludes your post from perhaps an overly emotional pregnant mama :)